Yours Sincerely, Me

For reasons unknown to me, I was deeply inspired to write this note on my way to school this morning. I hope this note is relevant to someone. Stay blessed.

I dread to start this letter with “Dear” because I fear that she might read it and become suspicious and spiteful of what is now non-existent. And no, I wouldn’t want that, for I am a changed person and whatever I do now, I do it in love. I would like to ask you a few questions though, well; I would like to know if when you see her your eyes light up like a kid’s in a candy store? Do you find yourself smiling just at the mention of her name? And do you wish you could hold her in your arms and make those precious moments last forever? Is she your half’s other, close to you like no other?

I’m not writing to make you feel insecure about your new relationship. I don’t want you to feel that you are being watched closely, I haven’t gone crazy and I am fine; there’s been no mental-breakdown. I just want to remind you that you once sang sweet nothings in my ear as we lay under the stars. We once danced to soft jazz tunes, especially Michael Buble’s, in the moonlight. I once swept you off your feet and I once made your heart skip beats. You once said ours was a relationship made in heaven, manifested on earth. I hope what you have with her is even more beautiful.

However, there’s something I need to clear up, some things are still left hanging- Was it God’s plan that I, a woman and you, a man, should reach into each other’s souls so deep that we leave depressed scars? Was it also planned that we share passion, joy, laughter and tears for a while and become strangers who now can’t even share a mutual smile. We had our souls tied so tight in a bow that couldn’t be loosened; we had to cut it at the knot. We were in sin, so blissful, that we labelled wrongly as ‘love’. We lived only for ourselves and spent each moment we had together in a love that believed there was no tomorrow. We were going on a road so fast, blinded by our lustful desires and fully inattentive to the brightly lit exit signs devised by those who truly wanted the best for us. The scales fell of my eyes when I pictured myself a bride, walking down the aisle, and it wasn’t you at the end of it.

The thing is, now, I don’t regret any moment I spent with you. I’ve learnt lessons so valuable I would love to share. If our relationship hadn’t ended, I wouldn’t have gone searching for the TRUE meaning of love. Well, I found it. I found that what we called love was merely a manifestation of our wayward feelings toward each other. I am sure if we had waited a bit longer our crush would have fizzled out and maybe turned into a deeper, more meaningful friendship. Real love does not live for itself like we did. I always wanted you to myself and never considered how you would have impacted someone else’s life if you hadn’t spent so much time with me, time we can’t even give a good account for. Our love rejoiced in iniquity, committing sins that I later detested myself for.
And lastly, our loved failed. True love doesn’t, it is everlasting. Just like that bow that was cut at the centre, we now have bits of our hearts left with each other, inevitable as we poured so much into a hollow relationship that wasn’t blessed nor ordained by God. We longed to satisfy our souls but never drank from God’s thirst-quenching wells.

You see, I am not writing to knock you down and make you feel inadequate; I’m not showing love if I act that way. I just want you to know the Truth of Love, Jesus Christ. I wept profusely to Him when I thought I could never feel loved again but He showed me through His Word that He always has loved me. I had no need to go searching in the wrong places for it. Please ask Him to direct your current relationship; He makes it a lot easier and beneficial.

Oh yeah, one more thing. There’s a certain someone now but I’m still so shy and nervous around him, oh gosh! I’m not going to rush into anything with him, I’m praying about it. Step by step. I know now that relationships have been made by God for the expansion of His Kingdom and that with marriage, we are to raise kids who are deeply rooted in God’s Truth. Well, he is a potential candidate for the aisle’s end, but that’s not really my choice to make. I’ll leave it all to God because He loves me and He wants me to experience an earthly relationship filled with His divine love.
I do wish you all the best in all your endeavours, I really do.

Lots of Spirit-filled Love,

T.